I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we're making bets on your personal life
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
