I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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