We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
