How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
