she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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