You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
