Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
