You work out of a Hotel?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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