i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
