Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
