there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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