pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just pee around me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
