you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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