Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
