dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
