Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
