She's JV to your varsity
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
