At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize