Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
