dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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