So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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