So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
