did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
