have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
vagina is talking i cant
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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