Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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