Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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