just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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