he thought i was a dude.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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