I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
