I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
