I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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