That's when you crack a 10am beer
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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