Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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