we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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