And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
