I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
