Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can you bring me the toilet please
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
