Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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