my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
