I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We have started to decorate penises.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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