I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
