can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
