And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
