She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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