omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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