So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize