you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
