If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
