Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i think my cat just said my name.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
