Please, let me fuck your mom
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
