I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
