mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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