I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
