thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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