In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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