nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
