I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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