We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
