No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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