so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
nutella sex= disaster
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Houston, we have a squirter
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
