But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize