I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
