I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
